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작성일 : 21-01-06 09:22
21/01/06
 글쓴이 : 관리자
조회 : 532  

Hi, Seyeon. 

Unfortunately, I'm not your tutor, but another teacher who revises writing :)
I recommend you to talk about this with your tutor in class. 

Anyway, I upload your revision here. :)
It will be helpful when you re-write it after reading revision. 

Hope you have a good day, as well :)